i've only visited 5% of the world

create your own visited country map

interesting.



10% by age 30!

things that i'm excited about: a non-cranky post

1. green tea (see above)

2. rooibos red tea

3. chamomile tea

4. korean rice tea 

5. black currant tea

6. jasmine tea

7. schizandra fruit tea

8. strange mystery "happy" tea

I OWN EIGHT TEAS WHO AM I!?!?!?!!?

i drink tea at an astonishing rate now.

i asked katy, my british teacher's lounge neighbor, 

if there was such a thing as too much tea

and she said

"absolutely not!"

i don't even like black tea, which is the caffeine-y, teeth-stainin kind anyway!

i'm also excited about growing out all my dyed hair so that all that's left eventually after a few cuts will be the true nonchemicaly hair WHICH I HAVENT SEEN SINCE SIXTH GRADE HOW DO YOU LIKE ALL THE CAPS LOCK? NO!?!?, yeah, sorry, i should try to stop doing that.

• my friend sing came over today to shower post-badminton (since she lives in seoul) and i cooked her a nice lunch and she did dishes (o what a dream!) and it was really lovely. we're gonna have a standing date every tuesday!
  
• i'm going to see jens lekman on saturday with work friends.
  
• my apartment is really clean and i have a cool dish rack that makes me feel more together.
  
• i still can play violin and i might jam with other musician girls.
  
• the partiers next door stopped partying...JUST IN TIME FOR MY PARTY MWAHAHAHAHA
  
• i got a work mug so i don't have to drink tea out of paper cups anymore.
  
• i've been losing some weight (the tea?) and two people noticed, which never happens.
  
• i learned how to make mock apple cider from apple juice.
  
• m-k is coming back and i think that will be good. i hope i hope.
  

THANKSgiving FOR NOTHING, KOREA!

things that korea has:

pumpkin soup

pumpkin porridge

pumpkins

pumpkin powder

24-hr bakeries on every corner

sweet crackers

things that korea DOES NOT HAVE:

canned pumpkin

pie crusts

graham crackers

cinnamon

ovens

not even turkey

cranberries no way

green beans nuh uh

stuffing mix kinda things don't make me laugh

a heart

GAH! KOREA! I WANT TO MAKE A FREAKING PUMPKIN PIE!

I WANT TO MAKE A PUMPKIN PIE!!

PUMPKIN PIE!!!!!

using a toaster oven is bad enough. converting from metric to stupid u.s. measurements is even worse. but finding ingredients is just not possible. the man who owns the weird korean mexican restaurant nearby went to 20 count them 20 markets (including those in seoul) before he found limes.

trying to follow recipes and/or bake anything here is like going to the dmv and then it being closed and then having to go to another dmv, waiting in line for five hours, and then having that one tell you that you're not under their local jurisdiction and then finding out that YOUR dmv is under repairs for the next week. and then when you go back, you find out you need to retake the written portion of the driver's test and you come back in three days for that and then you fail and you can NEVER DRIVE AGAIN!!!

it snowed today.

i know i have some real blogging to do but

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!>!>!

IT'S AFTER FOUR AM.

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I LIVED NEXT TO A COLLEGE BAR.

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

STOP SINGING, STOP YELLING, STOP SCREECHING, STOP SLAMMING, STOP STOMPING!

HOW CAN YOU EVEN HAVE A PARTY IN THESE TINY APARTMENTS!?

IT'S EARLY ON WEDNESDAY MORNING.

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?????

HOW HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING EVERY OTHER DAY FOR THREE WEEKS!?

I THINK YOU JUST MOVED IN

SO IS MY LIFE GOING TO BE LIKE THIS NOW?

ARE YOU IGNORING MY POUNDING OR CAN YOU NOT HEAR IT OVER YOUR SHOUTING?

I CAN HEAR OTHER PEOPLE POUNDING!

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

maybe practice has made this easier

so m-k and i broke up :(

techinically, he  broke up with me but i was thinking about doing it today too.

neither of us really wanted it - we both wept (i mean, seriously, he sobbed when he found a newly begun scarf, asked about it, and i told him i was making it for him) and used a copious amount of paper towel tissues and hugged a lot.

don't "i told you so" but honestly, just the age difference was too much.

he said he thought i needed a younger boyfriend.

and i didn't want that to be true, but it is.

and he needs an older girlfriend.

there were a lot of precursors to this and a lot of times he hurt me kind of by accident and made me cry and then we both felt guilty and confused.

but it's terrible and hard and heartwrenching and tragic because we actually love each other (as hard as that may be to believe for a two month relationship).

i think he's an incredible man and i really do care about him, but it just couldn't work out.

i knew it wasn't gonna be forever, but i didn't know it would end so soon or that it would be so so sad.

i felt so alone and trembly in my lonesome grief 

so 

i went over to tanya's, and her hubby was gone,

and she gave me tea and quesadillas and then wine and roughly six hours of comfort and talking and i don't feel like my guts are spilling out all over the floor anymore.

i feel like it's gonna be ok.

and that's what m-k said to me:

"you're a beautiful young girl and you have your whole life ahead of you.

i don't have the passion anymore and you do and i know you will be happy.

i just can't stand to make you sad anymore.

i know i make you happy but i know i make you sad too and i can't stand it."

and i knew it was true,

but i didn't really care at the time,

because when your heart is breaking, your heart is breaking.

and i know i made him feel inadequate and guilty and i hate that.

and he made me feel needy and demanding and i hated that.

but even now, THE SAME DAY, i already feel like it will be ok

and i'm still glad i knew him and i opened my heart 

and it was good while it lasted.

i wish i could spend a day in bed with videos and cookie dough or some other self-indulgent break-up business, but i have to go to work

and it will be ok, but it's not gonna be great.

i'll probably write some songs since i'm sad so i guess that's the upside.

and my parents are coming, so i'll have something to look forward to other than relationshipless bleakness.

thank goodness for tanya, what a savior.

but still, i miss maggie and will and laura r and sewon and all those others who sat there while i cried and always knew what to say to make it feel ok even if they had warned me in the first place (like tanya did, haha).

and with that, 

filmed in my hood: