USA! USA! USA!

today was such a mixed bag of emotions.

i went to itaewon, which is the foreigner district

(near the military base, a lot of teachers, middle eastern and southeast asians, and africans hang out here)

it was weird being able to eavesdrop on conversations again

and how shopkeepers spoke english to me

and how i could order an all-american breakfast at dinner time and the ketchup didn't taste like cinnamon and the meal didn't come with a dish of sweet pickles or kimchi

and how i registered to vote on the street

and how there were just SO MANY WHITE PEOPLE

it made me feel simultaneously lonely and whatever the opposite of lonely is

i also had an interesting experience with a young kenyan man

he approaches me and makes some polite conversation and then is like 

"i like you. i want to know you more. let's go sit somewhere, yes?"

and i mean, i wasn't really doing anything and he seemed nice enough so i said ok.

but to be honest, i wasn't really interested, so i should have flat out said NO.

and this guy became so pushy.

at first, it was flattering, but just became ridiculous and terribly annoying and disconcerting.

and he was so insulting to me!

like saying, "why are you being rude to me?"

and "you're not a little kid, don't act like it"

when i just said, "i just met you, you're being too pushy" after he kept FOLLOWING ME after i said i had to go.

i finally got rid of him by being like (for the FOURTH TIME), "listen, i'm sorry if i gave you the wrong idea, but i don't want to talk to you anymore. can you please leave me?"

and he says, "ok, so nice to meet you! i really love you!"

WHAT THE KIMCHIIII!!!!

why do boys like it when you're being a true bitch to them!?!?!

i hate how some people don't mean no when they say no and then it ruins NOs for the rest of us.

anyway, it was an ok day despite weird american homesickness and an aggressive boiiiiiieee

i bought a copy of BITCH magazine, and felt oddly vindicated with my much-needed feministy boost.

A DATE WITH MYSELF

today me bought i indian food.

then me took a walk with i and it was really great. me is so interesting!

i wanted to get a black cardigan for better work options and me told i that purple looked better and we laughed and laughed. but i'm not sure. maybe me talked i into spending more than was appropriate ($40 for a wool cardigan?? argh). me is just so loose with money!

then i talked me into going to see mamma mia even though me hates that shit.

me was right.

mamma mia is a terrible terrible abomination of a film.

i couldn't believe meryl streep, colin firth, and pierce brosnan (usually in at least ok movies!)

could produce something so incredibly cringe-worthy!!

i like going to korean movie theaters though because it's the only time when a lot of korean people and i can all laugh at the same time.

plus, i'm in love with the cafe above the movie theater.

it's on the eleventh floor and the big purple and red and eyeball chairs look out over the mountain.

my subway stop is jeongbalsan -

jeongbalsan means "one mountain"

we have ONE MOUNTAIN in ilsan.

i wanna explore it tomorrow!

anyway, this cafe is beautiful and bright and comfortable and calm and one of my favorite places in town.

i got a weird frozen yogurt and fruit dish.

grape tomatoes count as fruit.

:O

i got cable and this includes korean hbo-style channels!!!

1408 is on now and it's way scarier watching it alone in your apartment than in a theater!

eeeeeeeeeeeee!

okokok

so i already feel better.

i wrote that last entry last night.

and now i feel ok.

not sad or bad or anything.

although the cable guy did come (EARLY) like four hours after i went to sleep.

i'm gonna use my nice internet and fall asleep to blue lagoon, hahaha.

man o man

i felt so homesick and unattractive as a human tonight at the work party.
i don't know why i get like this sometimes.
also: i was drinking a lot and not getting drunk
uh oh
i just felt so lonely among all these people (20+)
and i was thinking i was faking it ok,
and talking to people and being witty and engaged
but my coworkers kept telling me
"you're very pretty girl, you shouldn't have hard time be sad in korea"
which really took me aback because
1. i don't think of myself as a pretty girl entitled to happiness for being so gosh darn pretty
2. i didn't know i could look sad when i was working on looking happy
3. i don't think being beautiful makes you happy, not that i'm saying i AM or anything!

i just feel so disconnected from everything. i don't belong in the foreigner WOAHHH!!!! culture and i don't belong in the korean (korean) culture. i'm having a lot of seventh grade moments here.

here's a very rough version of my dumb subway man song (remember my seoul missed connection!!?!?) that i recorded on my mac and during which i make stupid faces.

!!!

i just finished all of miranda july's short stories.

they were FREAKY.

i read some in class while the kids took tests.

and one was about this woman who started a relationship with her special needs student

because she thought he was the human form of this squiggle who had "entered her" when she was young and they were long lost lovers.

and i was like

oh

this is probably inappropriate

but this book cover is inoffensive

and matches my outfit.

i seriously thought that.

THIS BOOK MATCHES MY OUTFIT.

i'm pretty freakin vain about colors sometimes.

i mean, see for yourself.

also, note the lovely claire giving birth to dinosaurs pose.

(it was the only way to get my whole self in the photo!!! i know it's bad and terrible and unflattering and awkward!!!)

p.s. i've decided to take control of my life!!!

i'm sick of feeling like a little girl -

i'm a full-grown woman now!

all the little kids in my classes think so!

it's time for me to stop waiting for things to happen and just to do them!!!

things that are involved in this growing up plan:

sticky notes

a gym membership

figuring out how to pay bills online

itaewon missions to buy chickpeas and assorted spices

acting mysterious so korean boys will want to hang out with me

i'm cool!

harmony

omurice

=

omelet

+

rice

because i don't want to go outside

i spend a lot of time on the subway. i take the subway even when the bus would be a lot quicker. but i really like the subway. it makes me calm and happy and feel like i'm part of something. and i think it's really beautiful in a strange mathematical way.

these are taken from my roof (above the 15th floor). i like how all the tall buildings look so small from up there.

from the aquarium - ("higher and higher: fishes wonder how the outside water looks like") what??

they also had fish in coke machines and old toilets.

still the "aquarium"??? a lot of "BATUHMANUH!"s whispered by frantic korean children

fancy temple food restaurant (owned by a former monk) with 12 vegetarian courses of rare mountain vegetables etc. and a blurry becca who doesn't look like becca at all. she moves too much.

see? i do things.

and sometimes i even document them.

i messed up

at work.

big time.

like it was dumb and i'm not gonna get fired or anything

but i just was totally careless/retarded and made two big mistakes in one day.

now i feel like shit.

in a way, this job carries with it more responsibilities than a lot of other jobs i could have applied for.

i think i'm ready for it

but i'm just sometimes such a disaster

and i can't get it together.

it didn't really matter when it was just me.

like i'd pay the fine or take the bad grade or whatever - 

the consequences were mine alone to bear.

now, it's like i'm not grown-up enough for this very real job in some ways.

like i definitely mean well and i'm not being lazy, but i just can't always get things right.

i feel like a little kid who keeps spilling milk all over the rug.

i wanted to write about this because it upset me a lot and i needed to "talk to someone" (ha),

so don't be alarmed (*cough* parents)

and i definitely don't need any lectures about this.

i just feel like crap and i don't know how i can be so dumb sometimes.

sorry i don't want to go into specifics now.

i think it will be ok.

i'll just have to kiss a lot of ass this week and pray parents don't complain and this doesn't snowball into something even worse.

baaaaaaaaaasically

http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=jDyruoNZhes

sums it up.

the day after sewon sent this video to me, i heard it quoted like five times.

also, shout-out to ilsan and lafesta (those are my hoods)

it so fantastically encapsulates foreigner in korea culture in a three minute rap, it blows my mind.

i did some hard hangin this weekend but nothing too ridiculously noteworthy - goin to the movies, drinkin at the pirate bar, art exhibit, indian food, sleepin and readin a lot, basic weekend stuff.

i think i asked this before...but which books should i check out? i'm rediscovering my love for reading  here and have been blazin through some tales. i like contemporary writing but would be up for some classics or some good nonfiction (especially science writing!) as well. lemme know good books you've read recently! or favorites of all time!

first lil party hostin!

 last night i made dinner for sing and michael and it was such a nice time!

(plus my apartment was soooo beautiful - i even had little candles all over the place!)
fancy pesto pasta and veggies cooked with white wine.
we all got tipsy on the wine and just talked and listened to music
which is kind of lamely my favorite type of night.
tonight i meet up with becca, who i met last weekend, to go to insadong,
a traditional tea and craft area.
so many fun things!

now i gotta go to workkkkk.
i really hate tuesdays and thursdays.
the kids in the classes are dumb and don't work and either too quiet or mean and noisy.
like i honestly don't know why their parents bother.
and it sounds resigned as a teacher to say that,
but i keep trying anyway and it's only 40 minutes and it's not like i'm michelle pheiffer and these kids are from the 'hood.
they all have fancier cell phones than i've ever seen.

i went off on this one class yesterday.
they always get 30s on quizzes. like they leave 7 out of 10 blank.
so i was basically telling them what would be on the test.
last time, i GAVE THEM THE TEST
and all the answers
and they still mostly got below 50.
so i was telling them the answers (again) and one little girl was answering a question
and some boys were just playing and throwing things and the girls were gossiping
and i just got so pissed that first, they don't respect each other, and second, many of them don't give a shit about learning at all and then their voices overpower the ones who do care, that i yelled,
"JUST STOP! STOP! STOOOOOOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!" and literally screamed at them for five minutes.
which made me feel really out of control and terrible but actually seemed to shock them a bit.
they probably went home and cried and i'll get calls today.

in another class, a girl forged her parents' and my signatures IN FRONT OF ME.
and when i said that was bad, she gave me attitude.
i crossed out the signatures and she wrote "OK" next to my null and void marks.
i told her i'd call her mom and she still had attitude.
when i talked to mrs. baek, the co-owner and official mom phone-caller about it, she did call the mom
and the mom said SHE signed it!
WHAT THE HELL.

i think our school is suffering financially because parents take their kids out when they get bad grades to switch them to schools where they will always get 90s and above.
i'm glad my school isn't like that.

some of the kids are total sweeties and funny and smart and enthusiastic and love me (instead of writing that i smell like poop in korean, like in one precious precious class). and i can even hold interesting conversations with the students in a fourth grade high level class. i really love about six of my eleven classes and really hate about three. so that's pretty ok, right?

"why i'm awesome: part XXIV - missed connections" by claire white

ok ok ok

so 

SO

a lot of things happened this weekend

friday was michael's birthday

i realized i am by 10 years-ish the youngest person at work

age is funny

it doesn't seem to matter tootoo much anymore

we went to a very fancy beer place

then a semi-fancy one with a HORRIBLE live Filipino (i have no idea how to spell that) band

and one middle-aged Filipino man would not leave me alone

like as in i started to get angry

ok ok ok

so here's the deal

all this strange attention is incredibly flattering

but i know it's often not even about me

because they say almost immediately,

"from america?"

which is fine, but it's the WAY they say it,

        americans OBVIOUSLY are sluts

like that's what they think

thanks hollywood

but it's the same deal as all the white bros tryin to score some asian ladies

(remember that sex workers' art show performance with the hello kitty anyone?)

like it really is starting to weird me out 

how people objectify women in a racial way

it's super creepy but it doesn't seem to bother most people.

that being said, i love the way korean boys act with me

they're so shy and when one comes up to me, he'll say, "hi! how are you? where are you from?" and then kind of giggle. "ok! nice to meet you!" and like try to shake my hand usually offering his left hand. korean boys are total sweethearts and the most action they try to get is hand-holding, which is done totally expertly here. i think it helps that friends hold hands.

after those TWO places, we (the korean ladies and michael and me) met up with the other foreigner teachers at a bar with giant pirate statues. and they ordered six foot tall skinny keg things? 

THEN we went out to eat some snacks at a traditional korean place

the sun was coming up.

SATURDAY

i went with tanya to hongdae to see her husband's band

they were great!

and the korean band was freaking awesome

and played a kind of rolling stonesy / then kind of punk rock "hound dog"

there i met this great girl from seattle who was a music major in college and blah blah blah and we have the same interests and she's actually smart and nice(!) which doesn't always happen with interest twins.

THEN we all went out to a cool music request bar called "woodstock"(??)

then tanya and i went home "early" at 2 and we found me a dumpster easy chair that kind of smells like old lady and smoke but i've been febreezing the crap out of it!!! there's still hope!!

TODAY!

i decided to go to korea's biggest aquarium

it was on the subway line 

BUT IT TOOK TWO HOURS!!

ok but here's the thing!

this is the thing

the thing is!

i had my first real missed connection!

maybe it's just that emily's letter got me thinking about missed connections and their wonder that i started thinking that way

but oh my goodness.

this man

was perfect

he had a grace, a masculine elegance

that i'd never before seen outside of old movies

he looked maybe middle eastern, with bright blue eyes, a great regal nose, little smile crinkles around his eyes, and salt and pepper hair

(ok, ok! he was significantly older than me, but just soooo quietly magnetic)

i felt like i knew him from somewhere

like he was an actor or a prince or something

but i just couldn't figure it out.

i was so drawn to him i felt like i HAD to look

so i kept sneaking peeks and i caught him sneaking peeks at me too

and we even had some eye contact(!)

first he was standing near where i was sitting

and he even sucked in his negligible gut for me (oh, yes, the gut-suck was for me) while pretending to smooth his shirt, which totally killed me. 

then, some seats opened up, and instead of sitting in the seat right by where he was standing,

he sat in the seat directly across from me

but then i got all nervous, because looking at him was sooooo obvious then.

when he got to his stop, we kind of smiled at each other in a kind of sad half-smiley way and 

that 

was that.

i just can't even explain

like it wasn't even that he was insanely good-looking or styled out or anything,

he just had something special.

and you could just TELL.

you could just tell that he was a great man 

he seemed like a king, the good kind, the really compassionate, wise kind of king in old stories

who dresses down a bit and rides the subway to be amongst his peoples undetected.

he was THAT COOL.

and i'm sure he was totally entranced by me, too, haha.

has anyone else had any dorky experiences like this?

so yeah, the loooong ride wasn't so bad, haha!

and it was worth it, anyway.

the aquarium was great.

i'll post pics later!

it was in a gigantic underground mall

that was eerie in a pleasant way with colored light passages 

 i ate a fantastic western dinner at the HYUNDAI DEPARTMENT STORE!!

CARS AND HIGH FASHION OMG

they sell verrrryyyyy expenisive things there

like prada and fendi and marc jacobs and chanel

it's insane!

then i went home and cleaned and organized my apartment

I'M AWESOME

from thursday...

i got sick and had to stay home!!!

it was terrible

i actually wanted to go to work

but everytime i almost left to go

i had to run to the bathroom!

we're talking foreign country travelers' issues here people!

i could NOT make it all the way to school without having a toilet attached to my butt -

get it???

it sucks when you call in sick because other people have to take your classes and then you feel like a terrible person. so basically today i just laid around and felt like a terrible person, watched countless my-so-called life episodes, napped, and nibbled on bread and drank korean ginger ale. 

then all of a sudden, i was totally better!

it was like BAM! and then poof! gone!

tanya came over to make sure i was actually sick ....er, to check on me(!) and we chatted and i gave her some of my costco cheese and crackers to take home to her cheese-starved aussie husband. the look on HER face as she ate some was awesome - she looked like she was eating foie gras with truffle sauce. but that costco muenster cheese is damn good, ya gotta give it that.

then i actually went outside my apartment(!) and went to a lovely high-fashion magazine-filled cafe and got a waffle and a fresh kiwi juice for dinner.

koreans are really big on waffles. 

waffles are EVERYWHERE.

sweet waffles,

salty waffles,

meaty waffles,

ice cream on waffles,

waffles with fruit,

waffles with onions!

oh waffles!!!

i love waffles.

i love korea.

i love that i was able to eat waffles on a day that started out with shaking sweating and screaming.

i also found the roof. 

THE

ROOF

IS 

AMAZING

pictures to come

ode to joy

after work,
my korean coworker sing took michael and me to costco 

COSTCO!

freaking costco which i have always loved but never realized how much i truly cared for until it was the only place in korea i could find what i craved wanted desired NEEDED! oh dear sweet heaven above! avocados! cheese! non-sweet crackers! frozen cool pasta! canned tomatoes! canned beans! dried fruit!! OH WOW OH WOAH I CANNOT EVEN BELIVE. you cannot find these things easily in korea. if you can, they are ridiculo expensive. oh costco of my heart oh costco of my dreams.

costco!

i really like sing! she's funny and kind and smart and cool

and gets excited about silly touristy things.

her mom works at the big art gallery so we may go there together

or do a temple stay 

or climb a mountain

or visit a folk village with acrobats and musicians and all kinds of cool thingssss (like korean williamsburg! haha)

eye shopping

if you want to say "i'm just looking" at a store and you don't know how to say it in korean, you say that you're "eye shopping"

friday i sat on straw mats and ate chicken (noodles for me) with 15 of my coworkers
then we drank

then we karaoke-d

i was the first to leave karaoke and it was 3 am.

saturday i got up earrrly

went into seoul

met jasmine's really cool med school / rocker / chill pro friend

ate at a little hidden alleyway restaurant with her

we explored idae, sinchon, and hongdae together

hongdae is the artsy part of town - we went to the student / artists' market and i bought assorted gifties and these babies:

i wandered around a lot by myself after hyunee left to meet friends for dinner.

it's funny because rock shows start at 5 or 6 here and there were all these decked-out leather-clad mascara-ed rockers walking around in the bright hot sunshine.

in hongdae there are bookstores devoted to solely giant beautiful design books.
the graffiti photos above are from under ONE BRIDGE ALONE

oh and i got an mp3 player that is really cool. it even can record the radio!!

i forgot to post pics from the palace exploration a couple weekends ago so here are two:

and, lastly, two things that made me chuckle. (look carefully at my elevator's buttons...see what i think is funny? ...ok they used the number 10 again for the 1 because the 1 button fell off)

peace out!

my job

i work really hard at my job.

i was in the gls building from 10 am - 10 pm today.

and that's not unusual.

i teach seven classes every monday, wednesday, and friday.

plus four in a ROW (with five minute breaks only) on tuesdays and thursdays.

this is hard.

this is really really hard.

just performing for and keeping the kids focused and excited alone is exhausting enough without all the pre- and post- class work that i have to do at the end of the day.

i doled out my first real punishment yesterday.

"stop talking while others are taking the oral test. stop, i mean it, or you'll have to leave. seriously. ok, get out. get out of my classroom."

i didn't think it would be this hard.

and i don't leave my work at work.

i literally have to take homework home, like essays to grade, in order to just stay on top of the schedule.

tomorrow we all go to see batman RIGHT AFTER WORK.

but then i think we'll all have to go back to school to get all our things done...

popularity

i now own a trampoline.

i thought it would make me happy when i have dance parties of one

but it's a dull double-sided happy

like eating a really nice meal you cooked just for yourself.

i printed out some korean recipes to make some nice meals for myself.

i'm making a huge art project from the trampoline box because i get bored at night with having no friends and all.

...but tanya came by last night and said it was a nice seat.

i might get a couch. then i can have a housewarming party and invite the thirty people total i know in this country. (i guess that's not bad.)

tanya and i talked about happy and sad, and alone vs. with another.

i said: "sometimes i see something that makes me really happy - like a child riding a dog like a horse or a young soldier boy holding hands with a grandma, but then i get lonely or homesick because i think about saying, 'isn't this great?' or about which of my friends would love to see this."

she said: "well, you probably wouldn't notice these things unless you were alone."

DAMN.

she said: "i'm never really happy. but i'm never really sad. i'm content, but i'm not satisfied."

i said: "well, that's the best way to be! when you're totally complacent, you might as well be dead, you'll never grow or learn or explore or try to improve yourself again."

she said: "yeah, i guess! but all these people, these characters in books and movies, have such big highs and such big lows, so much passion! i just am not like that! and they always get what they want. they win in the end."

i said: "it's only interesting to watch that because it's dramatic! but it's not always fun! and people like that wouldn't be able to survive without more grounded people to keep them in check. for me, i hate when i get that way! i think a little bit of sadness along with general happiness is best. if i weren't a little sad, i wouldn't be writing songs and going outside to find musical fountains and reaching out to people...like you! i'd just be chatting on aim in my apartment with a smile pasted on my face." 

so it's good that i feel kinda bad, because it's making me DO SOMETHING.

and if i were really really sad i would just do nothing.

and if i were really really happy i would just do the same things with the same people all the time.

and then i would feel unfulfilled and boring and sad and so it goes.

notes

i just bought movies from a guy on a bridge for $2.50 each.

the musical fountain made me feel like i was a little kid seeing fireworks for the first time.

people at stores do not like talking to me about bigger deal purchases, such as mp3 players.

i will NOT go away just because you don't acknowledge me.

TWO people have said i look exactly like julie andrews.

lychee drink is really good.

so are triangle kimbap (sushi) that you can buy for 50 cents at convenient stores.

my new beautiful dark leather satchel fits all the groceries i need.

i got a haircut and it turned out pretty good!

beers and tears (not mine!)

i went to a bar by myself for the first time ever last night!

and in korea!

and i was the only white person there!

i planned on just finishing my one beer and getting the hell outta there

but the place was so cool!

it's called LP bar,

and the owner just plays old records.

mostly neil young sounding things.

and LP bar is beautiful with little string lights and RIGHT by my apartment!

the korean guy next to me started talking to me and buying me beers, haha.

he's a business man now with his own international trading company

but he was a theater actor for eight years before that.

he's been to seattle and l.a. and new york, but wants to go to boston.

he likes china, but NOT beijing. too smoggy.

he was born in pusan, the seaside town, and he wants to help me if i ever want to go.

i should go in winter when there aren't any tourists and the water is really clear.

he usually comes out with friends, but sometimes they talk so much he can't even think and he just wants to hear the music.

he's jealous of people who can play instruments well.

he's going to a drumming school nearby to improve his drumming.

there's a gym nearby (the governor of california's gym) that i should go to because maybe i will like korean food too much and get really fat.

he illustrates this fatness with a cartoon drawing of fat me.

lovely.

what a night.

i decided to drop by this other place "barboom" and found michael from work and this other guy, stephen.

we left to go to a huge german brewhouse, but they were closing, so we went to torro's (which is closing for GOOD) for one last $2 pint.

michael is really a good guy - very low-key, drama-free, and humble - a true breath of fresh air around all the bragging and the foreigner drama llamas.

stephen studied history and then sociology and women's studies in university in canada,

so it was fun to talk to someone about korea and perceptions of america and being a woman in korea and all that in a sociology-y way. 

but there was this girl there who was crying for literally five hours.

michael was just like,

"i don't understand this!"

she was upset because she's in love with this korean boy who was there, but he doesn't like her.

they went on two dates, but he's just not into her.

i felt like as the only other girl, i should try to comfort her, because the boys sucked at it,

but she was drunk and i'd only met her once before.

but i was just thinkin,

thank goodness i left the drama back in the states!!

i've only cried once here and it was because i was confused and embarrassed and homesick, it was most definitely NOT over a boy.

but really, being rejected flat out by someone you really like can be worse than getting dumped by an actual boyfriend.

"the one you love and the one who loves you are never really the same." - invisible monsters by chuck pahlaniuk (what i am reading right now)

debate that if you want, but there's some truth in it!

i just wanted to say!

i appreciate all the comments more than you could know!

it's weird because i can't directly reply

but they're so nice to read

and have really helped me

with the kind words of encouragement and good advice!

so thank you!

lookin upupupup

last night i stayed at work til late

and my sweeeeeeet korean coworkers and i drank beers while making photocopies.

and then THEY invited ME to go to noraebang with them (korean private room karaoke!)

wooooooooo!

to be honest, the korean teachers have made me feel way more included than have the other foreign teachers.

that's so strange, though, right!?

but they make me feel like i'm cool and cute and fun and interesting.

it's a huge ego boost after feeling like an annoying, prissy retard sometimes with vicki and some other white teachers.

the reasons the korean teachers like me are the reasons the foreign teachers don't like me, haha.

like wearing cute dressy outfits to work and walking instead of taking cabs seems to annoy the other foreign teachers?

just silly things like that that i don't quite understand.

i guess THEY don't understand my weird american-korean hybridy style.

but i like the korean way of doing things!

and they match up better with some of my sensibilities anyway!

i don't even know what kind of person i am yet

so why should i stubbornly cling to my american-ness?

i'm still AMERICAN, but i can try to have a little

"when in rome...."   attitude here!

and maybe i'm being paranoid about my american coworkers.

but it's like, you could try a LITTLE harder with me

and when i ask,

"hey, do you have plans for dinner tonight?"

instead of saying, "oh, yeah, sorry"

you could i don't know maybe say instead,

"oh, tonight i'm meeting up with some old friends, but how about tomorrow?"

OR

"i do, but you're welcome to come! it's just tammy and blah blah who you met last week at torro's! it'll be fun!"

i just feel so damn awkward around these people sometimes

but i don't think it's just my fault!

i've always been nice to new people and my foreign coworkers should remember what it's like to be new!

it kind of seems like how minorities can be more racist against other minorities than majorities can be?

like instead of finding solidarity from the minority experience, some immigrants or racial minorities are total asses to other minorities?

maybe when you feel socially threatened, you're not as nice as when you feel socially secure?

ANYWAY. noraebang!

i did a shitty version of "if i fell" by the beatles that was way too low for my vocal range

but then when i did "zombie" by the cranberries,

erica and sing and betty and tanya (their english names, haha) went totally nuts!

they were like "sounds like the singer is here in room!!!"

those ladies are so good at dishin out the compliments

on how pretty and how stylish and how whatever you are!

and i give back how young and how pretty and how stylish etc THEY are

but i don't know if i'm as good at it.

but i do mean it!

and the age thing is weird because they do LOOK really young

but are in their 30s i think?

and very self-conscious about it which i think is retarded because they're hotties!

like erica, the oldest?, is seriously model pretty but sooooo self-conscious.

i guess in korea you have to look 15 and weigh 90 pounds to be a traditional hottie...blegh.

after karaoke, we went dancin!

and i met one new person

and ran into old persons too!

like mike from work and mike with a girlfriend.

i had talked to mike from work at work (ha) and we found out we have very similar feelings about social life in korea

like we liked the intimate get-togethers and our friend routines back home but here everyone just goes home and goes to sleep or goes out and goes crazy.

we both figure that by going out, we can meet the people who we can later have small group hangtime with?

we both want korean friends too, but it sucks for him as a boy because all the korean people at school are girls. EXCEPT one, but he's married with two sons and is from california anyway.

whatever, it felt good to talk to someone who was feeling the same frustrations with this new big crazy place!

but last night, just LAST NIGHT, was ridiculously fun!

and sing told me she would take me sightseeing soon if i wanted!