2. i realized that every time i get sick for two intense cold symptomy days, i have taken a long bike ride the day before. POLLUTION!!! i need a mask!
3. my bike ride was epic in all senses. i rode through multicolored fields at sunset, mere feet away from happy cows and chickens. and the smells! it felt like fall in the best possible sense. and there were mountains all around. on the ride back, i went down streets and i passed FOUR subway stops and i found a reeeeally cool department store (11 stories) that's all just a huge really fancy outlet! woopwooo! i had no idea where i was going and it was fantastic.
4. i've really been enjoying teaching lately! the kids and i are getting a sweet repoire down. and i saw two girls i taught over a month ago who got switched to another teacher and they said, "ah, teacher! come baaaaaack! we miss youuuu! we like you better!" which i know i shouldn't feel happy about but i do since i sometimes worry that i'm not a good teacher compared to my coworkers and i was even kind of mean to that class - it was one of my most dreaded!
5. last night, i caught up with my old friend (let's call him "joe") over aim and upon telling him about my life here, he compared my boyfriend and me to both hitler and charlie manson (after joe kept going on about how terrible my relationship was, i said "all you need is love" to be snarky and he said, "charles manson might of (sic) said that." um, nah, pretty sure it wasjohn lennon :))
but joe said that my morals fell out of the plane on my way to korea. he said the age difference was perverted and i was being manipulated and used but also being immoral and it was like joe dating a 13-year-old. well, not exactly, i said, because of the whole age of consent thing, but no biggee!
and another thing! how could i possibly think i was on the same intellectual level as my older man? well, joe, i like our conversations! i could date someone my age who was dumber or smarter than me - that's not what this is about. on the life experiences level, yes, obviously, we are different. but i like hearing his stories and i think he likes telling them (and of course i have a few of my own to share!) and he's not a needy crazy teenage boy who's insecure and doesn't know what he wants - he knows what he wants and he goes for it and succeeds and that truly inspires me!
i also like how our differences complement each other - the passion and freewheelin crazy of youth set off by the even-tempered mellowness and prudence of age. he gets a sense of vitality from me and i get a sense of calm from him. and we just like each other as people! i get what he's saying - we're kindred spirits and age ain't no thang when you feel a connection and you think the same things are funny and the same things are sad and the same things are beautiful.
but joe thinks i'm deluding myself. and ALSO that i am wasting my life. that it's just so sad to see that i've given up. that i've squandered my potential in deciding to do something comfortable. yeah, living in a foreign country where you don't speak the language and know absolutely no one, teach 11 classes, and are involved in a socially frowned upon romance - a reeeeeeal walk down easy street!
an example transcript i have not edited lies here below for your reading enjoyment! joe comments on the creepiness of the but-he-could-be-your-dad(!) phenomenon. well, my dad's not a korean man, and my bf would have been quite a young father, but i understand the point. no one ever thinks it's creepy to date someone who could be your brother!! megan even MARRIED a boy with her bro's name! no one calls THAT creepy! haha. because that would be ridiculousss. anyway! please enjoy!
joe: dedepis much?
claire: dedepis?
joe: edepis
claire: [i was thinking, first of all it's OEDIPUS, you tard. don't use references you can't spell!]
it's electra for girls
joe:its hitler for the jews
claire:???
joe: how cares if its wrong... as long as you and another believe in it
claire: hahahahaha
oh my. you're comparing me dating an older guy to the holocaust?
joe: ignorance has no bounds
whattttt!?!?!
i was so hurt and confused, even though i know he's being crazy, that i couldn't fall asleep. he just threw so much venom at me, i was really taken aback. i know some people might not understand my choices, and sometimes even i don't(!), but right now, i feel happy and healthy and i've got both my eyes open. so if you're a silent critic who's keeping your mouth shut out of politeness, please trust me! i know what i'm doing...kind of. and so what if i don't! i'd rather try something and make a mistake than be too scared to move.
thanks thanks thanks so much to everyone who has been supportive,
who has made me feel proud of challenging myself, unafraid of taking risks, and confident enough in my heart and spirit to take unconventional paths.
it means so much that i have people rooting for me back home, people who have faith in me!
ugh, i got kind of choked up when we watched "arthur" in class today.
the SONG!
the opening song totally sums up a big part of my life philosophy right now!
what a nice message after tons of disney movie socially dubious themes about gender and class and age and race (if you're pretty and white and young and poor, you can marry a hot young white guy who's super rich! and then you'll be happy!)
arthur is love.
i want to make a kids' show like arthur...but with puppets or claymation or something! and new wave keyboard-driven songs! please listen to what arthur has to tell us about life in the clip below.
2 comments:
Personally, I think Joe was either smokin' a big fatty or hittin' the tequila. At any rate, no one has the right to question your motives for being there, or evaluate your relationships. You and you alone know what is in your head and heart. It's easy to criticize someone who's taken on an adventure of this magnitude from the comfort of their own couch. Keep your head on straight and enjoy this crazy ride.
Don't let the man keep you down about your man! Do whatever makes you feel happy!
P.S. I'd totally prefer a new-wave version of "Wishbone." "Wishbone" trumps "Arthur" any day of the week. P.S. Can you recommend some awesome books to me? I miss having you around to keep me updated on what's cool!
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