yesterday i walked to homever and wanted to dress up like all the korean women who wear heels to grocery shop. no no no. my feet were raw and bloody in three places when i came back and i was pretty much destroyed for the rest of the day. i did hobble the ten feet over to my kitchen to make some tasty fried rice with tofu using my new rice cooker. it took over two hours because the buttons are different and i couldn't figure it out. i couldn't figure a lot of things out and wrote them down to ask vicki when she came last night. oh, waaaaaaaaaait. she didn't! i don't know what happened, but it made me really homesick because i hadn't really talked to anyone at all yesterday, besides shop people KIND OF. like when they thought i was trying to steal. :(
today, i woke up feeling sick and sad. i realized my washing machine seemed cloudy so i opened it and my clothes were wet! i didnt turn it on! and they smell weird! but i can't read the korean and vicki told me the washer takes special soap but she doesn't no which, so i just left it.
i decided to walk to lake park to cheer myself up. i tried to buy some pineapple juice from a machine, but put the wrong coins in, and a bicycle guy came and helped me. then i tried to use my phone card for 30 minutes, asked the dude who had helped me earlier, and he couldn't figure it out earlier. i had learned the word for family so i was like "family!" and held up the card and he felt sorry for me because i looked so pathetic. he motioned to the bench. he asked me about home etc. and i started crying! it was terrible, terrible. i was just so frustrated, i didn't know how to do anything and had no way of figuring it out or really communicating with anyone. he was like "oh no, why cry!" and i just turned really red practically dying of embarrassment and said "molayo! malayo! molayo," ("i don't understand!") pointing at the phone, the machine, the sky, everything!
we talked awhile and he said he's moving to america to be with his family in new york, and that we should eat food and teach each other languages "just friends!" the whole "just friends! just friends!" thing made me feel kind of weird, but i guess he didn't want me to be creeped out. also, men don't usually hang out with women too much unless they're dating here? it's just that i try to smile to people and only like 1 in 100 people smile back. usually quirky-fashiony young women, people with dogs, or kind-looking middle-aged men. other men give me dirty looks sometimes (even crossing the street sometimes to get away!) or smile in a kind of disgusted way like you'd smile at a whore. and young guys just look straight past me. it's not like i want people to be real flirty or anything, i just want a little smile! but it's kind of like i'm not even there. maybe i'm imagining things - i just feel kind of crappy today.
on the up-side, i think i maybe agreed to go to church this sunday with this one woman who sat me down in the barefoot garden. "jesu? yes? good? house jesu" ..."ok." uhhhhhh, yeah, i keep getting in trouble by nodding when i think i miiiight kind of understand. she tried to get me to teach private lessons to her son, but i just looked up the word for "prison" since it's way illegal and i could get deported. ugh. but she did call her friend who had lived in dallas and she said she wants to "help me," whatever that means, and will email me soon. she'll probably try to get me to repent my evil western sins, but maybe she will actually help me with korean or take me to buy a lamp or something. that would be actually helping me.
i need a pick-me-up today. send me e-notes or letters or just respond to this please!
7 comments:
Oh claire! I'm sorry to hear about your crap day, but somehow I know it'll be worth it in the long run and i know you're strong so it will be okay! I miss you and I don't want you to be sad! i will send you the mix cd i made to you soon, it's a pretty happy mix :) no more sappy love songs, this time i focused on blissful dance hits to pump the soul. PUMP UP THE SOUL. anywayy thanks for keeping a blog and keeping me (and others) updated on your life and experiences...in a couple of days i'm going to visit portland for a week so maybe then I'll have something interesting to tell you in return....it'll get easier! love you--daniela
oh yeah...and keep updating!
I think that woman is in fact trying to take you to a sweet show. Even if it seems kinda shitty, you're definitely doin the right thing by going for it and actively trying to get out/talk to people/interact with the place instead of sitting in an internet cafe or your apartment. You'll definitely get the language stuff superquick, or I'm sure you could hire a swell tutor on the ultracheap. And if not being able to interact has bummed me out before (it has), taking on the role of a simple observer/wanderer can feel really fuckin good. For instance, I went to Hong Kong a couple of years ago and stayed there without any contacts or way of talking to my parents or friends or anybody, so I would just wander the city, or get drunk and wander the city, and it felt pretty glorious. I did the same in Prague, where I'd sometimes just walk the opposite direction of my apartment post-classes and listen to cool tunes and get lost and then find my way back home, not looking for anything in particular. Anyway, keep your spirits up! Good times are on the rise. And go see Wall-E, that movie is the purest medicine for the contemporary soul, I swear.
Yours,
Arthu
This is kind of weird for me because I want to show my support for you while sparing your other readers my stab at fatherly advice. I can't really imagine what you must be going through, but I vividly remember feelings of being lost and lonely when starting my first newspaper job in a small Kansas town. That was bad enough without the language barrier you've run up against. Your blog entry made me feel better about all of the times I helped foreign visitors navigate the Metrorail system here.
I'm confident you'll maintain your adventuresome spirit and work your way through some of these difficulties. I'm thinking of you practically all the time.
Maybe I'll send future correspondence through your e-mail account. In fact, I'm not sure I'll be able to make this message get through. If you read this, just let me know what you prefer.
I shall share a recent tale of foreign lands to let you know that in no time, you shall rule Korea. When we went to Italy, we found that they didn't utilize,nor even have, street signs, stop lights or road dividers. According to our driver, they just use "scuzzi". Crossing the street was more than an adventure, it was a life endangering event. You could stand on the side of the road for hours, never getting a break in traffic to allow you to cross the street. By the 3rd day, Chuck had developed the "I shall stare you down and then proceed" system, but I adopted the "screw it, I'm hot and tired..gonna pretend like you don't exist and step off the curb in front of you" method. Perhaps not the best philosophy, but effective non the less. Suddenly Italy didn't seem so foreign and strange to me. When we left 10 days later, I knew I would returned as I was now seasoned. It won't take you long to adapt. Keep smiling, every day will get better! Love, Auntie
http://bluespiralsoftware.com/italy/italy.html
In case you hadn't seen it, here is Chuck's Italy Blog. You will be able to relate to some of it. (see shrimp scampi.....)
thanks everybody!
Don't get too bummed- I'm sure it'll be a lot easier once you figure out a couple more words of the language to communicate to people with. Orrrrrrr you could just start speaking a completely different language- like French or German- and then they'll really be confused! As will you!
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